I know that when I want run is exactly when I need to dig in. Confrontation with my self is where my most difficult opportunities for growth lay.

When I say Yes!, I jump in and then Oh Sh!t!, what did I get myself into? Yes I read the manual, the explanation, the directions, but I didn’t REALLY know what I was getting into until I was there.

As it goes with my tantra training. My voyage back unto my sensual self, through the mires of not-good-enough, not-worthy, not-sexy, too-sexy, ghosted-again, Irish-goodbyes, he’s-not-worthy, i’m-not-that-into-him, over-it-under-it and sideways.

How often do we celebrate our sacred No? Oh yeah, I felt a no, not ready, oh dear me not yet, hey why isn’t anyone else saying no?no. I didn’t know how many no’s could come from my body, at once. But that’s what happened. And I realized, that my Yes was just on the other side of my no. I just needed time to breathe, to connect, to sink into my comfortable place.

Oh yeah, it’s all up for me now. And all I want to do is hold myself in a corner of sunlight and breathe. I can’t decide what is beyond that, except I need more of this uncomfortable itch…it’s warming like wool on the bare skin. There is my curious yes.

Total triggering is visceral and revolting and makes me want to run to a safe place. It is in the safety of that place that I can emerge, a new me.

May we all take the time we need to hold ourselves in a warm corner and re-emerge bigger, brighter and better. I can’t wait to see you on the other side!

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